let's collect a few funny things here...
read this one... cute, isn't it? Maybe I should think about a letter to my dog
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Dear Cats,

We need to talk.
When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two cats in the way.
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food.
The other dishes are mine and contain my food.
Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object.
Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed.
I am very sorry about this.
Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort.
Look at videos of cats sleeping; they can actually curl up in a ball.
It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible.
I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but feline sarcasm.
My compact discs are not toys for you and your friends to play with.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom.
If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open.
I must exit through the same door I entered.
In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years and I know that feline attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other cat's butt.
I cannot stress this enough.
It should be such a simple change for you.
Sincerely,

I just live here.

wow, interesting! didn't know there are so many differences
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How To Shower Like A Woman...
* Take off clothing and place it in sectional laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
* Walk to bathroom wearing long bathrobe. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.
* Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut so that you can complain and whine even more about how you're getting fat.
* Get in shower. Look for face-cloth, arm-cloth, leg-cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
* Wash you hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
* Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
* Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on for 15 minutes.
* Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red and raw.
* Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
* Rinse conditioner off of hair (this takes at least 15 minutes as you must make sure that it has all come off).
* Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.
* Scream loudly when your boyfriend/husband flushes the toilet and you lose the water pressure.
* Turn off shower.
* Squeegee off all wet surfaces inn the shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
* Get out of the shower. Dry with towel the size of a small African Country.
* Wrap hair in super-absorbent second towel.
* Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit. Attack with nails/tweezers if found.
* Return to bedroom wearing bathrobe and towel on head.
* If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and then rush to the bedroom to spend an hour-and-a-half getting dressed.

How To Shower Like A Man...
* Take off clothes while sitting in the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
* Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your girlfriend/wife along the way, flash her making the "woo, woo" sound.
* Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut. Check to see if you have pecs. Find out you don't have pecs. Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror, scratch your balls.
* Get in shower. Don't bother looking for a washcloth. You don't use one.
* Wash your face.
* Wash your armpits.
* Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
* Wash your privates and surrounding area.
* Wash your ass, leaving hair on the soap bar.
* Shampoo your hair. Do not use conditioner.
* Make a hilarious shampoo Mohawk.
* Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.
* Pee (in the shower).
* Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub when you checked your Mohawk.
* Partially dry off.
* Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire wiener size. Leave shower curtain open and wet mat on the floor.
* Leave on the bathroom light, fan and as many taps as deemed appropriate.
* Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your girlfriend/wife, pull off the towel, grab your balls, shout "Oh yeah, baby!" and thrust your pelvis at her.
* Throw wet towel on the bed. Take two minutes to get dressed.

holy shit, this is disgusting... but that's the way men are, unfortunately! *urg* disgusting anyway!

True facts about men!


1. If you think the way to a man's heart is through his stomach you're aiming too high.

2. Woman don't make fools of men -- most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

3. The best reason to divorce a man is a health reason:you're sick of him.

4. Never trust a man who says he's the boss at home. He probably lies about other things too.

5. A woman's work that is never done is the stuff she asked her husband to do.

6. If you want a nice man go for a bald one -- they try harder.

7. Go for younger men. You might as well -- they never mature anyway.

8. A man who can dress himself without looking like Wurzel Gummidge is unquestionably gay.

9. Men are all the same -- they just have different faces so you can tell them apart.

10. Definition of a man with manners -- he gets out of the bath to pee.

11. Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will usually find that he is married (or gay, right domi?! )

12. Scientists have just discovered something that can do the work of five men -- a woman.

13. There are a lot of words you can use to describe men -strong, caring, loving -- they'd be wrong but you could still use them.

14. Men are like animals -- messy, insensitive and potentially violent -- but they make great pets.

15. Men's brains are like the prison system -- not enough cells per man.

16. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - "don't" and "stop"..

17. Husbands are like children -- they're fine if they're someone else's.

yes, you're right!!!

Hey come on! That's not a Domi-Nadine-Thread, I want MORE!!!

Unfortunately I don't have those jokes.

But, let me think. I would have one but you'll kick me because of that.

It's something bitchy. Perhaps I could write it in english

do so, chris...please

(((const:quote_anfang)))
Nadine schrieb am 26.01.2005 19:27 Uhr:
do so, chris...please (((const:quote_ende)))


Ok I'll do my very best *g*. But I'll need some days.

Ok, here it is.

It would be fine if somebody would correct me (because of mistakes).

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No one loves me

It’s so annoying! No one loves me, but why? Is it because of my behavior? No that’s impossible. I’m friendly, honest, I don’t rail about people (hmm let me think maybe there are some persons I’m always slandering about – but this doen’t matter – they are mad...) and I’m everyone’s darling. I’m the most normal woman in the world. But yesterday something strange happened.

I had a telephone call with a person I didn’t know. His name was conscience.
Well I’ve never heard this name before! Here is the report of the call

Me = me
Conscience = cs


Me: Hello?

Cs: Hi, my name is conscience.

Me: Who is there?

Cs : Do you think you’re polite to all the people you know?

Me: ehm, yes of course (why doesn’t he answer my question?)

Cs: are you quite sure?

Me: ehm, well, you know...

Cs: listen, here’s a rhyme, especially for you – maybe you recognise somebody


I’ve got black hair
And I’m usually not fair

I’m not a witch
But I’m a b... (hmm, which word rhymes to witch?) and what does it mean then? Could anybody help me please? Thanks a lot!

I’ve got no friends (but to be honest I pretend to every person I meet that I’ve got some lol)
I’ve got cold hands

My breathe is always smelling (even a package of Tic Tac couldn’t help me - I’ve already tested it)

...............

Me: Hey, that’s enough! I don’t want to talk to you any more!

Cs: Ok, so did you recognise somebody?

Me: No, I’m sorry – who is it?

Cs: LOOL, because you are so interested in rhymes, here’s the answer.

The person you’re searching for
lives next to someones .. door


I should become an author, shouldn't I?